离别前的生活百态之一 吹水自传

曾经的曾经 有这么一个传说
刚入地府的人,都会被整批整批被包装带到一个庄严肃穆同时又阴气森森的大殿
去领一份卷子,然后写一份新鲜鬼/菜鬼的自传

这绝对不是普通的自传
而是要将你这辈子做过哪些好事坏事一一交待清楚
作为阎罗王发配你在地府做什么工作的依据
所以也有人称之为"一生功过录".

话说这天 奕奕因为遭到孟加拉外劳暴动之殃 也来到了大殿
身材健硕的他 虽然平常胆大口臭爱吹水 但来到这大殿上也不禁战战兢兢的
他领了卷子 找了一个空位 坐下 准备开始写自传了
看着空白的卷子 奕奕的信心开始回来了
虽然人生地不熟 但是现在只要好好地吹水 就可以轻松过关了
说到吹水 可是他的拿手好戏了
他清了清嗓子 瞄了一下周围已经写了一段时间的人
真是像极了高三理忠写感言的情况
有的扯着自己的头发
有的五官几乎都纠结在一起
有的额头疯狂地冒着冷汗,牙齿在剧烈地扭动
有的紧张得肌肉抽筋,毛孔收缩,青春痘自动溅汁爆裂
有的呆若木鸡,仿佛已完全沉浸在回忆之中,卷子上却写没几个字
有的不但摇头叹息,喃喃嘀咕"好难写啊!好难写啊!怎么那么难写啊!到底该怎么写啊!我写写写...写不出啊!"

"Qiu~~"奕奕嘴角露出了不屑的淫笑:写自传无非就是自己写自己嘛，这有什么难的？

他再抬头看看大殿上的匾额，上面四个大字，字字分明：坦白从宽
奕奕嘴角的笑意更加深了

"Hiaheeheeheehee~~~"奕奕奸笑不已，“傻瓜才会真的坦白呢！”
也难怪奕奕会这么想，他一向胆大包天，吹牛从来不打草稿，也从不担心会穿帮，他总是这么想：等穿帮了再说。意思是，万一穿帮了只要再继续吹水，再扯一个更大的废话，也一定可以蒙混过去的，举凡吹水精义无不如是，用不着担心。
其实，这么复杂的思路奕奕也不过考虑了两秒钟，就开始写了。
他年少有为，天资绝顶，绝对是百分百的正版吹水界的奇葩
由于信心十足，决心也十足，他决心要把自己写成一个前无古人，后无来者的大圣人

反正写这个自传不限时间，也不限卷子的多寡，奕奕更加放心地吹水，从来没有一次能够这么无界无限地疯狂吹水，一时之间，蕴含了他30年的吹水功力的精华如冲破了水坝般地涌了出来，真是吹得痛快极了!!

他花了十张卷子交待完童年，花了三十张卷子交待完少年。在即将迈入19岁的吹水大关卡时，他突然心生一计，自己这“闭门造车”式的吹牛，可能还不够达到不同凡响的效果，不如参考一下别人的经验，再渲染想象发挥扩大夸张乱来，写成自己的经验，那岂不是更要叫别人拍案叫绝吗？

于是，奕奕开始东瞄西瞄。他果然得到了不少灵感，有洋洋洒洒地奋笔疾书，吹牛吹得没完没了。这篇自传当真是惊天地泣鬼神，鬼哭神嚎，包罗万象，应有尽有。说到自己：身高170，靓仔，有型，人品好，斯文，温柔，有气质，有责任感，诚实，信奉上苍，忠于君国，维护宪法，遵从法律，有品味，运动好，人缘好，熟读四书五经，精通六艺，有席卷天下，包举宇内，囊括四海之意，并吞八荒之心，有完PendidikanMoral的36个Nilai，幽默，有艺术，既节俭又大方，即可爱又成熟，有情有爱自由自在。
周杰伦变成了他徒弟，王力宏叫他爸爸，吴尊见了他就低头，阿都拉的弟弟阿拉跟他借钱等等。

如果没有人来催他，奕奕的自传大概永远也写不完。后来，掌管收卷的小鬼不耐烦了，恶声恶气地对他吼道“再写下去，之后死掉的人还有空白卷子写吗？！！”奕奕这才依依不舍地勉强打住。

在等候阎罗王阅卷，静候发落的时候，奕奕才知道自己写得有多长了。阎罗王足足看了三天三夜，看得两眼直冒金星，头昏眼花，显到出汁，但是基于职责所在，又不能不看... 都快哭出来的时候，终于看完了。奕奕终于被传上了大殿。阎罗王没好气地瞪着他------这实在大大出乎奕奕的意料，照理说，他交了那么一“本”（别人都只交一张），又是那么个精彩绝伦的大长篇，阎罗王应该是用一种充满欣赏的眼神望着他，不该是这么恶狠狠地...

阎罗王冷冷地开口：“你就是奕奕？”
“是。”奕奕惶恐地低下头。
“是吗？照你的自传看来，你应该是救世主吧？”
“哎呀，没有拉... 还差少少... ”
“他妈的！或者应该由你来做阎罗王？”
“不不不，小的不敢... ”奕奕意识到真的大事不妙了，但是，后悔已经来不及了。

果然，阎罗王已经快抓狂了，大吼：“来人哪，在我还没想到怎么处置他之前，先把他送到阴曹造纸厂做工平衡刚刚的损失！”奕奕垂头丧气地跟着带头小鬼往外走，心里在想：“还有北极开拓计划还没写呢，真是不够尽兴啊...... ”

人生百态 ： 吹牛是一种艺术？

Gathering

When will our gathering be? Should we make it in xmas or new year?

davis lee

报到

i think this blog is rily silent
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Sg Info

For those who are planning to study in Singapore pls be aware that we are to apply online for admission of NUS and NTU. And this act must be taken ASAP after we have our UEC results in hand for UEC is still at a disadvantage compare to those who sit for A level and score equivalent results. So should we not procrastinate and there's no stance making required, no bother abt how the results are, leave all sentimental emotions behind and make our application fast to win ourselves the chance and opportunity to study in our dream University.

online application deadline for NUS 31/12/2007
and for NTU, the application deadline is 31/1/2008

dun forget to mail ur copy of results and also ur IELTS results ( if u have them ) to the authorized office.

Good Luck to Everyone


Regards,
ADY

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To Those Who Will Study In Aus

Please book the flight ticket as soon as possible because Feb(after CNY) is peak season . Only then you can get your ticket firm or you will be in the waiting list.

Book My Flight Ticket (MAS) Now

Update(8dec):
In fact, there are still lots seats unbooked.

Kern has reserved 15feb's. And I will book after UEC results are released (of course fulfill the STRICT requirement first), same day 15feb. As for jyen and ahbiao, they will be leaving around that few days too. We try to make it on the same day.

With love,
LJH.

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